She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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