i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize