Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
