Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
