having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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