it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
