Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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