i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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