Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
