oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
