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If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
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