He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
