I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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