Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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