if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
