we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
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I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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