you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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