You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
