Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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