It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize