So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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