just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I just sharted jello shots
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
