I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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