I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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