I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
