if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
