Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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