I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
