she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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