Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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