I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Is it penis luge time yet?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
