What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
