I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
