All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
