It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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