we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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