Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This is the high leading the old right now
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
