I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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