i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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