I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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