eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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