i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got inside last night via doggy door
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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