instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Operation Purity has been aborted
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
