Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
