My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
