Who wears a wallet chain?!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
