Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
