meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
