there's paper in my vomit.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
