Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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