3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
