My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
