i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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