he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I need moral support for this bender
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
