I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
