i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
