I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it hurts more in the daytime
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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