please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
