I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
