I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
