I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
