So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize