Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize