and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
