Got a toothbrush?
Jerry, you need to find god
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
