u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
