I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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