so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
