Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
