shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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