HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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