Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Quick, to the slutcave!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
