I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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