he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
