Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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